Disappointment.

This is an update for 29th of January 2013

Today, is the first time he didn't make his promise.
Even thou it is just a small matter
but I just can't forget it like this
this makes me think that is it I care matters between us more than he care?
I don't like this feeling

I ever told him that I don't hope this will happen
but yet, it still happen
what worse?
is he don't even notice that he had broke his promise to me.
:(
I don't want to be an annoying nagging lady
end up I tell him : nothing.

Actually I asked him when can I see him last night
and he said today.
I asked again and he confirmed to me
but today...
I don't know he was so busy until he forgot everything.
or I am not important at all.

I feel bad this night.
absolutely bad.
I will never take your promise seriously.
It just makes me feel even worst.

I've learn a lesson today
thank you .

A big disappointment !
heartache

Nostalgia...

Have you ever had a person that is so close yet so far with you?

I've review all my old photos on Facebook just now

I make a play back of my life

Photo is really so evil.

It keeps remind me of so many things and so many people.

those people and things that I couldn't get back anymore

Some is really great memory but some is not.

All it does is remind me of sweet yet painful memories

And mostly, the people and things will never ever happen again

the people that used to be good with you it's no longer be the same.

I miss you. 

* ps: if you're reading... *

Why?

That feeling comes to me again..
I don't like that feeling
I always say that : live your own life
but, can I really do that?

Everyday I keep wondering is my decision correct?
My god ! I wouldn't want to suffer in this anymore
I'm afraid :(
Should I let go?
But I love him
love or need? I can't differentiate.................
I only know that I feel happy and comfortable with him
I thought this is the feeling of love. Doesn't it?
Or I don't understand what is love at all....

Just get counselling by my aunt.
She's still don't know about his existence in my life.
And yea, she gave me a lot of advises of not having boyfriend at this age.
I'm kinda agree with her reason but somehow I think that two person that can overcome life's difficulties together is awesome.
Don't you think so?
She's not thinking this way.
She said we should get together with a guy that have stable job etc
so that our life can be wonderful
we doesn't know the future at this age.
seems like she think that wealthy is needed for a blissful relationship and I don't think so.

One point of her that I agree is your partner may no longer feel excited with you after a long period staying together for no marriage.
Boys will lose passionate on you as you both stay together for so long.
She told me that shouldn't stay with boy before marriage
Even you're not doing anything with that boy but other people may not think so
This one I strongly agree.
and the sad thing is we can't control other's mind so do their mouth.

All things that she spoke out shake my mind.
I.....I don't know how to do..

And one more thing I want to mention.
I really can't feel that I am NEEDED for you.
It seems like you can have me or lose me.
I can't feel that you're fighting for me
I....kinda disappointed with that.
Is it I think too much ?
By the way, I feel thankful of your warming heart words to me when I feel unstable.

OMG I don't want to suffering with this anymore !
Jesus, save me :(

变了。。

曾经，我们都那么的快乐。。

长大了，很多事情都不知不觉的改变了

有时真的好不想长大

每天都在想说，我到底有没有做错决定。

每个决定都带来了不一样的人生

我的这个决定会错吗？

我会幸福吗？

希望几年后的我不会后悔我现在所做的一切。

愿大家也如此。

Everything goes wrongly :(

I got a bad starting for 2013
sigh...
this make me can't think positive
fucked up !
I become more selfish, much annoying.
I became don't know how to social in this society
I want a new environment
I want to disappear..
Anything meaningful let me to do?

I am really negative now
I don't know what's wrong with my life.
Did I done anything to make it become like this?
Feel so speechless about everything had happened :/

This exam I feel so relaxing
no stress no panic
I wish every time exam also in this mood.

I am feeling so sad, so negative every day every moment.
uncontrollable..........................

who can read me?
or who can stand with me?
seems like no one take this serious..
the feeling of being left out is so damn 'great'
thank's for forgotten me.
I will stand alone as long as I can.
THANK YOU

bye :(