Why?

That feeling comes to me again..
I don't like that feeling
I always say that : live your own life
but, can I really do that?

Everyday I keep wondering is my decision correct?
My god ! I wouldn't want to suffer in this anymore
I'm afraid :(
Should I let go?
But I love him
love or need? I can't differentiate.................
I only know that I feel happy and comfortable with him
I thought this is the feeling of love. Doesn't it?
Or I don't understand what is love at all....

Just get counselling by my aunt.
She's still don't know about his existence in my life.
And yea, she gave me a lot of advises of not having boyfriend at this age.
I'm kinda agree with her reason but somehow I think that two person that can overcome life's difficulties together is awesome.
Don't you think so?
She's not thinking this way.
She said we should get together with a guy that have stable job etc
so that our life can be wonderful
we doesn't know the future at this age.
seems like she think that wealthy is needed for a blissful relationship and I don't think so.

One point of her that I agree is your partner may no longer feel excited with you after a long period staying together for no marriage.
Boys will lose passionate on you as you both stay together for so long.
She told me that shouldn't stay with boy before marriage
Even you're not doing anything with that boy but other people may not think so
This one I strongly agree.
and the sad thing is we can't control other's mind so do their mouth.

All things that she spoke out shake my mind.
I.....I don't know how to do..

And one more thing I want to mention.
I really can't feel that I am NEEDED for you.
It seems like you can have me or lose me.
I can't feel that you're fighting for me
I....kinda disappointed with that.
Is it I think too much ?
By the way, I feel thankful of your warming heart words to me when I feel unstable.

OMG I don't want to suffering with this anymore !
Jesus, save me :(