am I ?

I was crying all along the journey when I back to hometown
I wonder what's the reason makes me keep crying
thinking is that the reason?

since I back to my hostel after class
I feels so bad
and I remember mama had told me:
'come back home whenever you feel bad at outside'
this sentence comes to my mind when I can't stop crying
luckily my friends were going back so I can back together
along the journey, I just can't stop my tears
argghhh

then, finally I talk to my friend about the reason
it is just maybe..
but I think that must be the reason
I was suffer in the relationship :(
and I act out so weak when he is not around
hmm....
I shouldn't be so reliable eventhough he's not with me
maybe I'm just a companion for him when he's alone
maybe I take it too serious
maybe I shouldn't think too much
it kills my brain cells

hahha
one sentence from my friend, makes me cry out louder
I'm not going to reveal what he'd said to me
then, he said: after cry should be nothing; it already happened.
hell yeah !
It already happened !
What to do :o

these days let me think properly
I should stand up by myself
don't rely on others !
My friend said I shouldn't be so weak ;(
I also not willing to be like this
just uncontrolled
I wish I can be more independent